Finding our Son in Haiti Day 3

This journal entry was a reflexion on the day before...our first day at the orphanage. I wrote this the morning after. It was also the same morning that we decided that the 3 yr old was our son. I will post the journal entry, as it is just an hour before everything changed for us. I wanted to share with you the process in order of how we walked while there. I will write more tomorrow about our actual day after I wrote this entry. These pictures are of our first day at the orphanage.

Day 3 (reflecting on day 2)

Yesterday was full and we were given so much. Where do i find words to write? I sit here looking over the city and find tears coming nonstop. Perhaps I am able to cry here in this moment by myself, the tears i longed to cry all day yesterday. Thank you, Father for tears. I am caught as a foreigner in this foreign land trying to find my son. I need your help. I am so weary.

We arrived at His Home for children yesterday morning. The preschoolers were waiting in the entry way. A few of them ran up to us. I looked around for ____ but couldn't find him. Then I saw him. He was smaller than I expected. I saw his smile. He had no clue we were looking for him. Other faces came up to us. It was an honor to hold these children and to see them in person and in their home. There was a sick child, so the day's schedule was not normal. They typically had preschool in the morning, but instead we were there to play with them. We held them and christel brought out her hand puppets she had brought. The children loved them, except for ____. The first thing i noticed about him was his fear of the puppets. Michael grabbed him and put him in his arms. Another child tried to play with the puppets with him but he was terrified. We took him to the side. He wanted our waterbottles. He was facinated with it...but later I realized he just wanted to drink water. We showed him videos of our kids back home. He stared and smiled. He has a lot inside, I can tell. He has been hurt a lot. But there is a strength about him. But he showed no emotion to us. Nothing given that he was choosing us. Did I expect that? yes. He does not see us, though we see him. I am confused. Is he our son?

The day went on and all the kids captured our heart. To see all their personalities is captivating. I kept thinking how good it was to see this all in person. It is so different than pictures or our perceptions we have from afar.

We went to the baby room around lunch. 16 babies...2 months to 2 yrs. It was amazing to see 2 Haitian nannies care for all of them. We so easily get worked up over in the states about all the things we think our babies need. Observing in that moment made it all so meaningless. There was a baby boy we spent some time with. (4 mos) Was he our son? I held him most of the time. It was time to leave.

I have no clue who our son is. Not what I expected.

We left from there and went to visit Port Au Prince city. It was overwhelming in moments. Unexplainable. I have no words. It was 5pm on a Tuesday. The earthquake happened at 4:50pm on a Tuesday. I tried hard to put myself in their shoes..to imagine what life was like in Haiti or what happened on the day of the earthquake. I couldn't at any capacity.

I wonder how this earthquake will effect the culture and coming generations. Billy told me that one thing that changed was that those who followed Jesus, had more hope than ever. Those who did not were more devastated than ever. Many have come to Christ. Many are hopeless.

We returned home in the evening to process some of what we experienced.

I find that i really expect some emotional moment or some response from ____ to us to show me if he is our son. We admitted fears.

Lord, I am so afraid and feel like we have asked you to lead us, but we still don't know. We leave tomorrow. Oh, my faith is so weary without sight. I want you to speak audibly to me.. Who is my son? who?! I am afraid to choose! Please show us! I don't know this culture or how to help a hurting child! I am afraid!! Please speak!!

This verse comes to mind.

Romans5:6-8

⁶ You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. ⁷ Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. ⁸ But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Is ___ our son? Is ___? I lack faith to believe your provisions. Lead us by your love and strength, Father. I will go again today. Please don't let us leave until we find our son. Thank you, Father.

Finding Our Son in Haiti Day 2

Day 2: February 21, 2011

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go; I will counsel you with My eye upon you." (Psalm 32:8)

It was a good flight in and a good sleep yesterday. It is morning...the sun rises at 5:30am. I can't sleep and get up and out on the balcony. We wait for breakfast and then off to His Home children's home. Already in our journey, there is so much being taught.

Our flight:

We boarded the flight to head from Florida to Haiti. Full of Haitians and Americans. I found myself staring at the Haitians...wanting to get a glimpse into Haiti. I was told there would be 2 types of people on the flights to Haiti. Upper class Haitians and NGO/Mission Americans. I was struck by this reality. What must the Haitians feel as they ride on these planes? Or the people at the Haitian airport checking in so many americans on a daily basis. It didn't seem right.

The airport was packed and all I could find myself doing is trying to imagine what the place must have been like the day of or after the earthquake. I couldn't.

The first thing I noticed about Haiti was it's beauty. The mountains surrounded the city of PAP. Flowers were vibrant with color in different places.

We walked to meet our driver. As we walked a gated path from the airport to the parking lot, boys hung over the fence calling out "mama, papa, give me?" This place seemed like home...but then again, it wasn't. It was just broken the same.

We traveled over broken roads through the city to our place. Chaos. I scanned over every person we came across...looking in their eyes. Some had hope, some did not. I kept trying to imagine what that day must have been like, January 12, 2010. I couldn't. I saw families living in tents, cement homes, and many just standing on the street. I had one thought...one lesson i was learning in those moments of observations. Patience.

Billy, his wife Madam billy and Sarah...we met. Soon would i come to know the role they played in our son's story.

I asked Billy for his story, while we drove. What happened the day of the earthquake for you? He said he was getting ready to go to a church service. and everything shook. He said, all you have in that moment is God. You can stay in your home. You could die. You could run away. You still could die. Only God knew, could help and was your protector. He told us more stories of his family. Amazing stories of survival.

Michael asked about a 3 yr old boy we were praying about. Billy told us the story of his life. Tears. Is that our son, Father?

We arrived at the house in the mountains. Sarah shortly arrived and greeted us. "You are here for ____, right?" "no, we are praying about him and another little boy". "____, the baby." we said. "___ is no longer available...i am sorry to say." That news hit like a ton of bricks, at first, but then peace rested in my heart. Father, you know. We ask and trust that you will lead us. Okay. "baby moses" is not our son.

We went to sleep. It was hard to sleep but finally rest came.

So here we are today. We will go to His Home. Father, what do you have for us ahead? Give grace to walk forward. Go before us. As the mountains surround Haiti, so you will surround us. We trust you , Jesus. Lead us forward today.

Finding Our Son in Haiti

Stew and I just returned from Haiti. There is honestly so much to tell and so much that we can't express in words. I journaled while I was there and wanted to share some of what I wrote and take you through the process we went through while there in Haiti. I will blog each day of each day in Haiti. I will not leave you in suspense as to who our son is. Here is a short video. Our son is 3 yrs old. He is precious. I will give you my perspective before and after knowing he was our son. and then give you more of his background.

Day 1

On the plane for Haiti. Finally. First of many, I am sure. The last week seemed to give things I couldn't handle, but His grace came and hope and trust came once more. I am continually reminded that this minsitry, to orphans, is God's ministry. I can't do this, but He can. I wonder what I will be thinking or feeling as we return on this flight. The days to come...i am in wonder of them.

We just lifted in the air. In 1 hr and 35 minutes I will see Haiti with my own eyes. I find myself as I have before. In one moment I am looking at my flesh...finding nothing to move me forward. It feels lonely and I want to quit...i can't do this. But then I see light...I see Jesus and know this is why He came. Taking care of orphans, adoption and our family has always belonged to Him. I find grace, hope and love rise and I find my steps to move forward.

He alone is able. And He is faithful.

I will go.

Starting the Adoption Journey

Ephesians 1:4-6

⁴ even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love ⁵ he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, ⁶to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved.

June 23^rd 2010. It was our youngest daughter’s 2^nd birthday and Stew and I were in Chicago. We went out for dinner and Stew pulled out a map of the world and said, “it is time.”

For both of us, adoption had been a part of our lives. Many of our mentors have adopted children from all over the world. We ourselves had been adopted into God’s family as we both came to the saving faith in Jesus Christ, whom all salvation is from. Adoption was a part of our own lives. And we both desired to adopt a child when the time was to come.

So over dinner as Stew said those words to me and we looked at the map of the world, I knew that the time had come. So we prayed over all the countries asking God where our child was. We asked God to do the “impossible” and lead us forward no matter where that may be. We were excited and scared at the same time. The “timing” didn’t fit our “readiness” according to human logic. We were in the middle of paying off all of our debt. No savings for adoption fees. Not perfect parents or people. (that one is totally ludicrious) but, we continued praying.

And God has been faithful.

In September my husband met a man in a work meeting who was starting an adoption agency. That day he was getting license and needed families to begin the process. “where do we start”, stew asked. “I will send you an application”. Thus, we started the second step. We filled out an application and attended an adoption conference the next week.

Our steps have not been magical. They have been ordinary. And God has done the extraordinary before us along the way.

We are now in the process of adopting from Haiti. Everything about us adopting from Haiti doesn’t fit, except in God’s plan. We are learning that adoption has always been His ministry and His plan. And it is changing us each day.

We have a running list of what God is doing. He has given us favor with those in Haiti…shown us a few children to be praying for…provided over $4000 in 2 months…and sending us there in a week. And it keeps going with small stories that show us that this is HIS plan. We pray that God will do all things so that when times ahead get hard, we can look back and be certain God called us to this and will provide ahead to the end. We pray that our story will tell other, ordinary, unfit families, that God’s gift of adoption can be their journey too.

To be continued....

Christmas 2010...and into a new year!

Celebrated 7 year anniversary in Denton/Dallas area remembering our first steps towards this journey together! A sweet memory!
Brought in the new year with great friends!
Love all the families in our lives and especially when we get to keep their kids when mom and dad are away! or sick in the case of the truss'...
Grand parents and great grandparents gave much to us this year!! So thankful for their lives! (this is stew's dad who came to visit us from Georgia)
my grandparents (82 and 81 yrs old!)
my dad...the kids love Pa and Gammy!

December gave much to us! We love continuing to grow our traditions each year! This coming year we look forward to Stew's trip to Israel and Haiti to find our son. We look forward and wonder what 2011 will bring! happy new year!!

Wesleygrant turns 6 years!

andrea and tepera get married december 10th! so excited but so sad for andrea to leave
a small birthday celebration for wg lunch as he turned 6 yrs old!!

Fall is here!

Adoption conference brought encouragement and friends to us!!
Fun times with neighbors...block party and now garage sale!
Princesses! Sally is cinderella and karis is "samantha" from american girl
WesleyGrant continues to love school and we love KIPP! He had a parade for Halloween

fun pics of kids.....


Front gardens with herbs and fall veggies! learning so much and having a blast!