I keep this journal that I record the lessons I am learning as a parent...hoping one day to hand it off to my girls....not so much to tell them how to do it (although it will give some of that) but to help them see my journey as a mother and be encouraged. I was looking back through it and have been reminded of God's grace that He gives to mothers.
I became a mother at age 27 in the first year of my marriage with stew. I was excited and scared all at the same time. My mother had been sick since I was 12 years old, and so I was nervous, not feeling like I knew what it was like to be a mother. But the Lord had prepared me way before I knew it. He had 2 women specifically in my life that had been mentoring me since college....and they directed me to Jesus....who would be the help and well of all parenting skills I could ever ask for.
I had just put wesleygrant to bed...he was 2 years old. I sat on the couch and said, "LORD! I can't do this anymore! He bites, throws temper tantrums, and nothing seems to be working." We had just moved to Austin and the insecurity of being a parent only heightened as we were around new people and all I wanted was easy, disciplined, "pretty" children to introduce them to. But had quite the opposite. I was bitter at my son in many ways.
The spirit spoke to me in that moment as I confessed my "woes"...I looked at a collage of pictures of Wesley Grant and cried out to God, "why me?!". But in that weak moment, God spoke life into my soul as a mother and pointed me to Himself.
"That is MY child!" "Whom I have created for MY purposes." "His character and everything he is, is what I made!" "Right now he is reigned under sin, but I have made a way to free him and all that is captive under sin, will be reigned under Jesus" "You are to point him to ME...I will do the rest" "He is not for you, he is for ME!" "Turn from your bitterness, and follow me."
I was humbled and broken in my heart...I had been bitter and only saw negative as to my son's character. But God would begin changing my heart...."How Lord?!" "How do I turn him to you?!"
"Be patient, child...I will show you..."
2 Timothy 3:14-17
"You, however, continue in the things you have learned and become convinced of, knowing from whom you have learned them, and that from childhood you have known the sacred writings which are able to give you the WISDOM that leads to salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus. All scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work."
Scripture began to heal me and point me to how I might be a mother....I realized I was teaching him to be "good"...when that was impossible...he is a sinner...Romans 3:23..."all have sinned.." I wanted him to BE for my glory...my appearance, rather than who he was created to Be for..GOD's GLORY!
Thus, WISDOM became our theme...I will teach WesleyGrant what is wise...and trust the Spirit to convict of sin and point to Jesus...little did i know that my life as a mother would change so drastically that day....