Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Our faith continues ahead to Haiti

Psalm 82 1-3

God has taken his place in the divine council;
in the midst of the gods he holds judgment:
2"How long will you judge unjustly
and show partiality to the wicked?

3 Give justice to the weak and the fatherless;
maintain the right of the afflicted and the destitute.
4 Rescue the weak and the needy;
deliver them from the hand of the wicked."

With every child the Lord has given me, I have found more death to myself and more life in understanding the God of the Bible. With each season with them I find that faith is walking with no sight. Kelly is no different. My son in Haiti brings me down the road again of death to myself and life in the Lord. This journey of adoption has been amazing...and it seems to never stop. I understand more and more that rescuing orphans...change in any of us humans is absolutely the work of God and never the work of our own hands. I am brought to tears every moment it hits me that I get to walk down this road of adoption.
We went to visit Kelly March 22nd. Exactly a month from the day we realized he was our son. We got to spend a week with him doing life with him in Haiti. We were with other adoptive families and their children. As stew and i got on each plane closer to Haiti, I was in wonder, trust and uncertainty. We had been praying for specific things in Kelly and couldn't wait to see how the Lord had helped kelly. On the plane i was in a constant state of stuggle..leaving kids behind and living life with our son ahead. sight.
But the good news of why Jesus came to us was clearer and clearer. Kelly was playing in the orphanage while we were flying nearer and nearer. He had no clue we were coming and that we had chosen him. He had no clue he was our son. But we were coming. We were packed ready with all the things he would ever need. We would arrive soon. We would take him up and love him. We were coming. Soon our eyes would meet and faith would soon yield way to sight.

Friday, March 11, 2011

My TWO Sons

I know I am new to this journey. A journey many have traveled. That many know well. I have watched many go through it, but I have to say there is nothing like experiencing it yourself.

Since we met our son for the first time in Haiti, I find myself reintroduced to motherhood in a new way. I feel like I am here, but also there. I can't keep my calendar straight. Everything continues here, but something in me has slowed down to think and process there. Nothing will ever be the same. I have a second son.

Wesley Grant is my first born. I remember everything with him. Everything with him has been intense and over-concerning. He is my son. My first born. The child (bless him) who has to deal with all my mistakes in figuring out parenthood. I can relax with my girls, but my son...I am always navigating new things with him. He has been one of the things God has used to grow me more than anything.

When we started the adoption process, we were open, but felt like we had a son to adopt. Never questioned that. Back then, it was one step at a time with paperwork. I was filled with wonder and curiosity in who our son would be. Not intense, not over-concerned. Just ready to meet him. February 22nd I met him. Everything changed again, because now I had two sons.

People ask. Will you feel the same about an adopted child as your biological child. I asked the very same question a year ago to friends. I don't know if all people feel that way. I don't know. But for us, it has been a miracle in our hearts. I just can't separate my 2 sons in my heart. They are my boys. And I find myself on a new road that just might change me more than the roads i have traveled on before. And I find my self just stepping each new day into that journey.

A few days ago I found myself thinking about the 2 of them. One was at school the other was in Haiti. I realized in that moment how deep a love for sons can be in a mother's heart. I was praying for God to help one stand strong with Courage and the other to stand strong with Hope. I prayed for one to consider others better than himself and one to be restored from what others had done. I prayed for one to shine like a light and the other to be protected from darkness. I asked God to help one walk with the wise and for the other for Him to make steadfast. I prayed that they would trust and love the Lord with all their mind, soul, heart and strength. I begged God to show them why he made them and how they could have life in Him. I prayed the same grace that had been given me would be given to them.

Tears ran down my face. I realized that as much as I loved them and wanted all good things for them, I had to trust the Lord. He made them. He made them for purpose. He loved them more than I could. His thoughts and ways for them were higher than I could ever imagine. I had to give up control.

A thought came: "My sons have a rescuer!" This comforted me as i cried. My sons had a rescuer! Jesus...He came, so that my sons could be helped. He came so that my sons could stand strong. He came so that my sons could be wise. He came so that my sons could have hope in darkness. He came so that my sons could be restored. He came so that my sons could be saved.

So, I am on this journey...step by by day...trusting...hoping...tonight, i am thankful for my 2 sons and can't wait until they are both in my home together. Another day.