Today has been a long awaited gift. At 6am this morning we got an email stating that our official Visa appointment had been scheduled for next week. They really approved all of the work. They really would let us take our son home. I can't believe it. In the last 2 years and 11 months, the paperwork of our lives has been exposed and exchanged over many hands. And today it was all said to be enough, approved and the last hand had brought it to the end.
How does one feel in that situation? What do you think when you come to a place like that?
Gosh, I can only speak for myself.
When I started this journey, I had NO IDEA of it's terrain that would send my life into drastic change. I had NO IDEA what it meant to step into brokenness that was not your own. I had NO IDEA the cost it would ask of our money, time, friends, family, emotions and strength. I had NO IDEA the lessons it would serve my mind and soul. I had NO IDEA what it would produce in my heart. I had NO IDEA.
This summer our paperwork for adoption has flown through more hands than I could keep up with. We knew the end of this journey was coming, but never could I really grasp it. Montana, Florida, London and back to Montana. (Good grief!) Who could keep up with the Stewarts. But I heard an echo in my heart...."No eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him.." 2 Corinthians 2:9 Yet, I have been so jaded by the waves that have crashed upon me and knocked me down over and over in this journey. Can this really be true? So, I have walked slowly, wounded at the end of this land of waiting. I have found my summer to be a constant position of holding my breath and just saying, "God do this and carry me the rest of the way."
I remember a friend telling me, "One day this waiting will be over and you will not have it anymore." That has carried me through this journey, desiring so much to wait well and trust in my Lord who had brought us to this journey. The waiting is so hard and more often than not you don't believe it's beatings will ever end, but there comes a moment after entering into brokenness that you become thankful for it's wounds upon your soul. It produces new life and you lose the old. It becomes beautiful, though you would never wish it's beauty upon yourself. It becomes a gift.
This morning I woke up to an email that told me, "this journey will last only a few more days" How do I respond to that? Tears finally fell down my face. I feel like I have lost my tears over the last few months, but they came streaming down as my family and I embraced and then as we thanked our God for all He had done. Tears ran down my face as I exhaled, then came more as I begged God to bring the rest home. It is bittersweet to know you are done, but that there are still so many journeying behind me that long for their end. I took my 3 kids to school and thought about how much they had changed over these past years. This journey has changed all of us.
How do you respond to such a journey that has announced that it will soon end?
Right before I got married, I sat down to think about what I wanted to happen when I walked down the aisle. I can't help my sentiment. I told my friends, I just wanted to "take it all in" so that I never forgot. And that is what happened. I remember everything about walking down that aisle.
As I walk into these last few days, I want to take it all in. There are literally 100's of people who have joined this journey with us and I know that God has brought us all to see the final day when our son is home. I pray that I will walk these last days so that you might see that this is actually not about us, but about our God who rescues and redeems our broken lives. Watch with me and you will see what He will do. Because this journey is a apart of a larger story....this terrain may end soon, but another one is coming and I am ready.