I can so see myself in my daughters here in this photo as I think about life as a mother right now. I've had so many moments with the face on sally's where I just stopped in my path of mothering...in the middle of the day, princess self and all and thought..WHAT IS THIS?! Or found myself like Karis standing bent over...stopped...ready to quit the journey altogether!
But truly, don't we moms find ourselves in these moments? I sure have not lived out many seasons of motherhood, but over and over I hear older moms tell me that by far, the preschool years where their hardest years. And I find that I just nod with a smile and testify to what they are "remembering" and I am living.
So what do you do? How do you continue on and get to the other side of the preschool years, without falling flat on your face? I look around and so many have done it...just like child birth...you are waiting for your first labor and birth with your first child and you think...surely i can do this...so many women have done it! And so surely i can get through these preschool years like so many other women...
All three of my children continue to need me at the same time. It would be nice if they simply needed the same thing...like a glass of milk...but it isn't that simple...they need me for different things that take all my attention. I've started saying in my house. "sally or wg or karis, you are not the only child in this family...mommy has to finish with ___ and then I will be glad to help you. We are a family and have to work together." I don't know if that is what you should say or not...my children have started saying, "mommy, we have a lot of kids in our family..." or mommy, we can't adopt a sister or brother b/c they would have to wait so long on you!"
BUT...these are the moments where refining seems to be happening to me more than my children...and that is good. Perhaps they are learning to work together while I am learning a thousand things. I think my seasons go like that...but hopefully we are both learning a thousand things.
My prayer has been Proverbs 31:26 "She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue."
I continue to look ahead...and Jesus is the only thing that keeps me going. And in the end, I hope that my children will do even greater than I in this long road behind and ahead.
3 comments:
sigh...I love you. Thank you for sharing wisdom and rawness with me.
You said it, friend! I am so there with you. Thank you for putting words to my thoughts and feelings. I appreciate you so much.
When I was in seminary pregnant with our first child (he will turn 18 in 6 days!) an older mom gave me a note with ten life influencing words on it. She wrote, "Never lose sight of the big picture in raising children." Those ten words kept before me a vision of what I was doing especially in those many routine days. I wasn't just changing diapers or wiping runny noses, I was building lives for the glory of God! You are doing such a great work. But best of all, in those small acts of faithfulness that no one sees but the Lord, you are building intimacy in your relationship with Him. In Psalm 84:3, the Lord invites birds to build their nests in His presence. If He invites common birds to raise their young in His presence, how much more does He invite us to raise our children in His presence?! And that is where joy is found (Psalm 16:11). I love your heart for Jesus.
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